SFFS: Snippet #2 from Atomic Zion
DESCRIPTION:
This is the continuation of my SF Thriller, Atomic Zion, which is in its final revisions. It was influenced by my time as the Educational Marketing Director at Frank Lloyd Wright's House on Kentuck Knob and by reading stories from Michael Crichton, Robert Ludlum, James Rollins, and Douglas Preston and Lincoln Child.
Back Cover Blurb...
On the night of his 90th birthday, a former Wright Apprentice is thrown from the fifth floor of the Guggenheim Museum in New York. The only clue to clear his grandson of the murder is a note written in Navajo code which warns "The Bear has awakened."
These four words throw Nick Vanko into the middle of a decades old international cover-up where Wright Apprentices encoded WWII-era secrets about genetic experimentation into their blueprints. In order to stop a being who isn't quite human from unleashing a biological weapon upon the U.S., Nick must find Broadacre City, the fabled utopia designed by Wright, but supposedly never built. Searching by his side are an old Navajo CodeTalker, a woman who sees emotions as colors, and a Mossad agent who is really working for the Russian mafia. But can Vanko trust any of them?
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SNIPPET #1
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SNIPPET #2:
The other men continued to exchange jokes, ranging from the indecent to the ridiculous, but always ending in the macabre. Death, blood, and bones filled their thoughts.
Skovajsa wondered if they might find that unholy trinity today. Certainly the woods around them oozed a sickly smell of organic rot.
Gregor Borikov cackled behind him and had another go at the Krauts. Skovajsa focused on a limestone outcrop one kilometer ahead. Even though his Russian was improving, he didn't get the joke. He didn't care because he hated that butcher, Borikov.
Three months more to end this Hell.
Skovajsa pictured himself sitting at a drafting table, a slide rule replacing his rifle, slippers instead of ankle-chewing combat boots.
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I really like this snippet, especially your choice of words in transitioning paragraphs. "Death, blood, bones" transitions to "unholy trinity." "Organic rot" transitions to "Krauts", which reminds me of "saurkraut" (sour/rotten cabbage). And great juxtaposed image at the end, where he's working at a desk in comfy shoes. Nice work.
ReplyDeleteI lover that you got the unholy trinity allusion, Ceres! I worked on that transition for longer than I should have. Ha!
DeleteI love how your protag is an 'observer' and sees everything around him, even inside himself. :)
ReplyDeleteThanks, T.K.!
DeleteSkovajsa is a different type of character for me, so was a challenge to write. Keeps things interesting. ;)
Definitely draws me into wanting to know more about the characters!
ReplyDeleteWell, don't get too attached to Skovajsa, T.M. ;)
DeleteGreat choice of words throughout!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Patrick!
DeleteVery evocative sequence. I particularly like the phrase "ankle-chewing boots" - I know just what he is feeling from that.
ReplyDeleteSo do I, Peter! I've had my share of chewed ankles. ;) Thanks!
DeleteThe emotion behind this scene? The details you used to paint it? All so visceral. We're right there with him with the butcher cackling in our ears and tired ankles weary of torture. Fantastic.
ReplyDelete*blush*
DeleteThanks, J. M.!
Yep. I'm hooked. :) I demand more.
ReplyDeleteDon't worry, you'll get more, Jess! :)
DeleteAnother great snippet, Heidi! So much bleak emotion, but also a glimpse of hope.
ReplyDeleteI like those contrasts, Ann. Thanks for stopping by!
DeleteThis is definitely a story I could read more of. The imagery is vivid and has a very gritty feel to it. Very convoluted but interesting premise for a story indeed.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Jeffrey. I always spend my final run-through working on details and imagery. And, let's hope the story doesn't come off as convoluted! I'm counting on my crit partners to warn me that, if so. :)
DeleteVery vivid. My ankles are chafed. Wonderful snippet as always and a fascinating premise!
ReplyDeleteThanks, JC!
DeleteGreat snippet. I have a feeling Skovajsa may have to wait quite a while to get into those slippers.
ReplyDeleteYour feeling would be right, Gayle. ;)
DeleteVery dark and foreboding!
ReplyDeleteGlad it made you feel that way, Pippa! ;)
DeleteEven though they're out in the countryside, this feels really claustrophobic.
ReplyDeleteIf this feels claustrophobic, Misa, wait until you see what comes next!
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